Passionately Yours: The Passions Blog

The Quick Green Fox

2006-10-04T18:18:00.000-04:00

I guess by now you've all heard that first-Fox Justin Hartley has traded one DC comics hero for another and will be playing a young version on the Green Arrow on "Smallville" this season. His first episode is tonight, in fact. Some new pics of him in the costume just surfaced, so I wanted to share them. Click here for more.

Looks like someone's been working on his arms. (The legs look a little puny in those green leather pants, though.)

Corporate Dunces

2006-09-15T18:18:00.000-04:00

I'd always thought the Crane Corporation was a huge, multinational concern, one with its fingers in many pies, one that worked in several different industries and had influence all over the world. It must have fallen badly after Alistair left it. I was shocked to learn that the fate of the whole company rests on one patent infringement case.

Anyone who's ever read the Business section of a newspaper knows that companies lose such cases all the time. While the payouts can be sizable, I've never heard of a company folding afterwards. Even much smaller companies simply restructure their debt and move on.

Clearly the Crane Corp. has made some bad judgments lately. If you need evidence, just look at the new security codes on the offices and conference rooms. They take 20 minutes to enter. You gotta think that five digits would have been enough.

Noah, Come Back (Just Kidding)

2006-08-31T12:38:00.000-04:00

Where has Noah been for the past couple months? Is he off the show? I checked Dustin's excellent site, but couldn't find anything about Noah leaving. He's still listed on the official NBC site and the actor's own site says he's still on the show.

I suspect we're not seeing him because there's no one for him to date. The Noah-Fancy thing completely fizzled with the fans, so Fancy and Luis became and item. But there's no one around for poor Noah. Darn, if only Simone was straight.

Truth be told, I'm not choked up about this. While he's certainly a hunk, Noah's rubber face always creeped me out a little. And I never cared for how smug he was. I'm curious where he's gone, but I'm not anxious to see him come back.

Yes, this Is Good. Yes.

2006-08-29T11:01:00.000-04:00

Fox in a Cupid outfit. Yes, this is good. This is what we want. More please. Going forward, I'd like to see Fox, and Miguel, too, in lots of other costumes...

* A Tarzan loincloth
* A Tooth Fairy costume
* A superhero suit
* Ballet tights
* Running tights
* A wrestling singlet
* A speed-skating suit
* A leather biker outfit

Have fun with it, writers. Now that you're on the right track, I'm sure you'll come up with lots of other sexy costumes. Don't worry about having the plot make sense. There's no reason to start now, and we'll all be too busy drooling to worry about it.

Evil Julian is Back!

2006-08-21T15:53:00.000-04:00

With the giant resetting of the "Passions" storylines comes a wonderful and unexpected surprise: evil Julian is back! Spurned by the true love of his life, Eve, who has chosen to stay with her needy husband, his passion has twisted to cruelty.

I'm loving it.

Sure, I kind of liked nice-guy Julian. He had a real warmth and Ben Masters played him beautifully. But now that he's nasty again, I'm remembering why I'd always loved him as a villain. He was always much more threatening than Alistair; there's a seething cruelty with Julian that really works.

I suppose the change was probably simply opportunistic: the show needed a villain to take over for the presumed dead Alistair. But whatever the case, I'm glad it happened. You know what I'd love to see? Nasty Julian make a power move and grab the company away from Theresa. If it's a public company, which it almost certainly is, he'd only need to get a majority of the board on his side. Now that could be a great storyline.

Holy Cow! "Passions" on iTunes!

2006-08-15T11:53:00.000-04:00

It's good to be a "Passions" fan lately. Not only has the show found its footing again after several months of poor stories, but now you can download "Passions" on iTunes.

If you have iTunes on your computer, click here to go to the "Passions" page. This has just started, so there's only one episode up at the moment. It looks like we'll be able to download episodes one day after they air. This is great for screen cappers, or for those times when you miss an especially crucial day.

I think that iTunes will offer the first week for free, and after that they'll be the standard $1.99 each. You can view the show on your screen or transfer it to a video iPod.

I love that the graphic on iTunes, shown here, presents five "Passions" hotties (four if you don't count Chad). Yep, that's our show: hot guys, witchcraft, and deep dark secrets. But the hot guys come first.

Best Chest Ever

2006-08-07T15:35:00.000-04:00

On this week's "Best Week Ever," on VH1, Gwen and Ethan do a brief skit congratulating the show on its 100th episode. Ethan's chest is bared and, oddly, Ethan shows more force of personality than he ever does on the show itself. Check it out.

Thanks to Dreamcaps for the tip.

Shirtless Paradise

2006-08-01T13:27:00.000-04:00

Attention shirtless warriors: we have won! The Powers that Be at "Passions" now show multiple shirtless guys in every episode, even when there's no reason at all for the guys to be shirtless. Yesterday's show featured four hot shirtless guys -- three if you don't count Chad.

Now is the time to up our demands. Listen up, Powers that Be: we now want a full body shot of a hunk wearing either tight briefs, boxer briefs, or a form-fitting Lycra swimsuit once a week. If you do not give in, we'll watch something else. We control the show now!

"Passions" Reset

2006-07-31T15:39:00.000-04:00

Here's what I've seen lately: Theresa makes a bad first impression by spilling something on a handsome young man. Her brother Luis arrests a pretty blonde that he might be interested in, when he could have simply issued a warning.

Those storylines might sound familiar to longtime "Passions" watchers. But this is different than when the writers mindlessly repeat plots. This time, they're resetting the show. That awful Rome adventure actually cleared out a bunch of accumulated crud, and now the writers are saying, "Let's go back to the beginning, before everything was messed up."

It's brave of them to admit that the Theresa and Ethan storyline had nowhere left to go. Likewise, Sheridan and Luis were only interesting when they were apart. So let's just say that those stories are over and move on. I'm for this. It's about time.

As long as they're in a spring cleaning mood, I'd like to point out that the Fox-Kay-Miguel triangle isn't all that interesting, and that there's really nowhere for the Jessica-Snake thing to go, either. How about cleaning a few more things out while you're at it?

Good News for Justin Fans

2006-07-26T11:31:00.000-04:00

If you're still lamenting the day that original Fox, Justin Hartley, left "Passions," you're not alone. But I have good news for you: the never-aired pilot episode of "Aquaman," Justin's "Smallville"-spin-off, is now available for purchase on the iTunes Music Store.

The show is only $1.99, which is a bargain for all that Justin. While it's formatted for an iPod, it still looks great on a computer monitor.

It's rare for an unaired pilot to be put up for sale (in fact, I've never heard of it happening before), so I'm thinking this is a test. I think the network is gauging interest in the show, and will bring it back if there's enough fan support. So when you buy the show, you're really voting for it. It's currently the top video download on iTunes.

I could be totally wrong, though, because Justin is already playing a different superhero. He'll play Green Arrow, presumably a young pre-superhero Green Arrow, on seven "Smallville" episodes this fall. Maybe there's a spin-off in the works there, as well, but I'd rather see him splashing around than shooting arrows.

The Hunkfest Continues

2006-07-25T10:23:00.000-04:00

The mystery of where those shirtless shots came from is solved. Two postings ago, I shared a link to candid pics of "Passions" boys frolicking slightly unclothed in a no-girls-allowed picnic.

Now, I've learned that those pics were shot for a very special addition to the NBC Web site. It's called Top 10 Reasons Summer Is Hot, and it features five "Passions" hunks (four if you don't count Chad) and five from some other soap.

Truthfully, the candid shots were more fun, but these are pretty good. It's always nice to see Fox's bod. The shots of Ethan are great, too. You can just see him thinking, "I didn't grow these to cover them with a shirt."

Be sure to check out the cringe-inducing music video, which must have been done by an intern. My only complaint is that I can't get Fox's personal video to work.

Dead?

2006-07-21T23:18:00.000-04:00

My first thought after seeing that ridiculous train explosion -- and then Luis gulping while trying to tell Sheridan about Marty's death -- was, "Why does he actually think the three of them died? Why doesn't he just wait a week until Alistair pops up the next time?"

But then a visit to Dustin's excellent Web page showed me that Beth, Marty, and Alistair are now off the show.

Hold on, someone actually died?

I would love to believe that. One of the worst things about the show is the writers' over-reliance on Alistair as the source of all evil in Harmony. With him out of the way, they would actually have to think of new reasons for things to go wrong.

Killing Beth makes a lot of sense, too. There was no where for her character to go. Luis would never stop chasing her, so all she could do was run. It gets boring.

And killing Marty makes sense because there are already too many kids on the show. I love Tabitha, but that little Ethan is a mess. What an ugly kid. And such a bad actor.

But too many false deaths on this show have convinced me that major characters never really die. Alistair dead? I'd love to believe it, but I think he'll be back.

Sun and Skin

2006-07-19T23:43:00.000-04:00

How about I stop griping for a sec and post something sexy? Here's a link to a blog that features several male "Passions" stars enjoying a day in the sun. The blogger describes it as an annual soap star picnic.

Click over to see them frolicking with their shirts open...armed with water pistols.

Anyone have any idea what this event really is? I don't know, but I wish I'd been there to see it in person.

Um...Still Depressed

2006-07-17T11:30:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted much lately. The reason is that I'm still down, still depressed about the miserable summer "Passions" is having.

What idiot consultant told the writers to give the show more action and adventure? More mystery and fun?

Look, we don't necessarily want more romance or action or witchcraft or break-ups. What we want are scripts that make sense. If you don't have that, you don't have anything.

I think the absolute nadir of the whole series was the lesbian attack. What a fucking mess. So Simone knows where all the lesbian bars in Rome are, huh? And she walks into one, finds a Melissa Etheridge impersonator, and gets a whole troop of lesbians to fight a man they've never met. Sure.

When I saw that, I wished the show had been cancelled beforehand, to spare us all the agony.

And it just keeps getting worse. Everything bad that happens anywhere in the world goes back to Alistair. Okay. *Yawn*

The thing about Alistair hiding Chad's parentage didn't even make sense! He did it to keep Eve and Julian apart? Sure. Try not to think too much about it.

I'm hoping that this miserable Rome adventure ends soon and that the show returns to some kind of watchableness. But I keep thinking this might be the new normal. Jeez, I hope not.

Depressed

2006-06-21T21:44:00.000-04:00

I haven't been blogging much lately, and the reason is that "Passions" has me depressed.

It's this current Rome mess and how little the writers have put into it. There are so many plot holes, that it's not even fun to make fun of. Do they give a damn about the viewers at all? It's so relentlessly poor that it degrades us to watch it.

Take the Noah-Fancy plot, which we've recently learned was all engineered by Alistair. It just makes no sense at all. If Alistair didn't want Fancy to date Noah, all he had to do was tell her. She would have obeyed him. Make her move to a different country if she doesn't. If Alistair wanted Noah dead, he could have just hired a hit man. The whole thing about Lena and Maya, with the mysterious murder in the attic, it all comes to nothing. There's no satisfying story behind it all. The writers simply say "Alistair did it," and we're supposed to be happy with that. But none of it makes sense and it pisses me off that they'd offer something this poor to the viewers.

All of the current plots have the same gigantic holes. I keep hoping that once the show moves beyond the mandatory summertime event, that things will get better. I don't know if it's true, but I can hope.

Short-Term Memory

2006-06-15T11:19:00.000-04:00

The Powers that Be at "Passions" are probably glad that the Sci-Fi channel stopped showing re-runs. After all, it's easier for them if we don't remember what took place in the past.

I'm completely irritated by the current Theresa and Ethan storyline, because it doesn't follow "Passions" history. Rebecca didn't have to charm a tabloid editor to get the Ethan-paternity information published in "Daily Private Lives." In fact, there was no editor in the story at the time, just a reporter. She and Gwen sent the incriminating information from Theresa's laptop and that was that. Once Gwen destroyed the hard disk that her mother had kept, all the incriminating information was gone.

But that didn't leave the writers with enough to work with, so they created this bogus editor story. Please. This completely re-writes history and doesn't even make sense. Rebecca didn't need to coerce anyone into printing the information. The only reason this story was created was so Ethan and Theresa would have something to do in Rome.

Rome, ugg. It's obvious that the Rome agenda was handed to the writers as this summer's big event, and they had to twist storylines to make it work -- even if a lot of "Passions" history was broken in the process (and a lot of things simply don't make sense). Why is there a pair of virtual reality goggles with the secrets of the Vatican hidden inside them? Why is Whitney suddenly acting so stupid? Why did the Noah-Fancy storyline need to go to Rome, when it all could have been done in Harmony?

And, as long as I'm asking questions, why would Tabitha tell Kay about the mermaid curse, when she'd love for Miguel to sleep with Siren? After all, then he'd never sleep with Charity, which is Tabitha's goal.

Anyway, if anyone can help me with these questions, please do. My memory's too long and none of this is making sense to me.

Shocked, Really

2006-06-05T10:34:00.000-04:00

Omigosh, it was Alistair all along. He's the monk. No, this is too shocking.

*Sigh* This is almost as bad as when the female Charlie turned out to be Alistair in a bodysuit. Not only is Alistair the source of all evil in the world, he's a master of disguise. I pray for this stupid plotline to end quickly. It's as big a bomb as the movie that inspired it.

Thankfully, the gratuitous Miguel modeling session made the show worthwhile. Yes, thank you; more of that, please.

Buck'ed Up

2006-05-31T23:41:00.000-04:00

If you tuned in to the Sci-Fi Network this week for your daily dose of early "Passions," the mischievous dwarf you saw was named Twiki, not Timmy. There was still a shirtless hunk, but, oddly enough, he had chest hair.

That's because the channel has stopped running "Passions" repeats and started running "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" repeats instead. It's a sad day for us Travis Schuldt fans, and for anyone who enjoyed early Luis or the first Miguel or Hank. Truthfully, it was a bad fit on the channel from the start. Now we can only hope the Soap Opera channel picks it up.

In better news, "Passions" was just renewed for an eighth season. We'll also see an online spin-off called "The Cove" coming soon.

And the Winner Is...

2006-05-28T16:38:00.000-04:00

Luis! Handsome Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald is the winner of this blog's first-ever poll, the Harmony Hunkathon.

Despite having been missing from "Passions" for several months and rarely doing shirtless scenes anymore (unlike Ethan, Fox, and Miguel, who seem allergic to clothing) Luis came through as the winner. Congrats! My pick, for the record, was Fox, who lead in the beginning, but quickly fell behind.

I've deleted the poll now, so I'll tell you the rest of the results. Ethan came in a narrow second, and ran neck-in-neck with Luis for a long time. After them came Noah, Miguel, and Fox, in that order. Chad came in a far-distant sixth. None of the other men received any votes.

This poll tallied fans' favorite hunks from the current cast. Since no hunk received over 50 percent, we'll soon hold a hunk-off between Luis and Ethan. May the best hunk win!

I'm Schvitzing on the Beach, You Gorgeous Boy

2006-05-22T21:29:00.000-04:00

This is impressive, kind of: "Passions" introduces its first gay male character and its first Jewish character -- and it's the same person.

Meet Alfredo. He's a flaming stereotype, a schlubby, kvetching Jew, and an exotic big-money New York perfume merchant all in one. I don't mind; I'm not thin-skinned. I thought he brought some needed humor to the show. And I'm hoping he inspires the writers to introduce a permanent character who's Jewish or gay -- or both.

"Alfredo" certainly is an odd name for him. I think they chose it to give him a touch of exoticism. But maybe they just thought "Irving" was a little too on-the-nose. This way, they can claim he's Italian when the Jewish anti-defamation league comes a-knockin'.

By the way: Why isn't Fox wearing a belt with that suit? It looks so wrong. I still haven't gotten used to him delivering all his lines in a stage whisper, and now I have this to distract me.

By the way: Miguel in that square-cut suit: Yowza!

By the way: McKenzie Westmore had her little baby Sunday! He's Maddox Westmore Volpone. Congrats!

Aquaman Sunk

2006-05-21T22:39:00.000-04:00

Mostly bad news for old-Fox fans who were looking forward to seeing hunky Justin Hartley in the planned Aquaman TV series: the show was not on new network CW's fall schedule. I'm reading that it may be a mid-season replacement or it could just be dead in the water. It's too early to tell.

Slight good news: Here's the trailer for the show. Watch it quick, because it will certainly be taken down soon.

(Update: The trailer was removed from YouTube, so this is from Google Video.)

It's weird to see Justin surrounded by people who can act.

Also, here's a cast shot for the show.

Run a Google search to find lots more information and speculation.

The "Passions" Predator

2006-05-20T00:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, Theresa fans, what will it take?

For the second time, Theresa has shown herself to be a sexual predator. What will it take before you admit that she's not the misty-eyed love-struck young woman that you claim she is, but is really a dangerous and delusional criminal?

The tenacity of Theresa fans amazes me. Yes, Gwen and Rebecca did something very wrong in sending Ethan's birth information to a tabloid. But Theresa does something that bad every week. All three women are dirty, but there's no comparison who's the worst.

Theresa's first time as a sexual predator was when she slipped a date rape drug to Ethan, dressed like his wife, put on his wife's perfume, and raped him. Please, don't tell me that he knew it was Theresa all along. First, he was drugged and wasn't in his right mind. Second, he showed no knowledge and gave no consent during the rape. And third, even if he did know, Theresa clearly intended to deceive and rape him, or else she wouldn't have needed the drugs.

Now she has crawled on top of Ethan and started kissing him after he clearly said that he didn't want anything sexual to do with her, and did so while he was under the influence of sleeping pills and was unable to wake up.

I know it's romantic to think of Theresa as a poor misunderstood love-struck child, but tell me, Theresa fans: if someone of the opposite sex did those things to you, wouldn't you call the police?

Warning Signs

2006-05-18T14:48:00.000-04:00

You know you're in trouble when even the "Passions" characters comment on how repetitive the plots are.

A month ago, Luis told Sheridan that he had deja vu over her getting married in his absence. Personally, I think they just crossed out "Antonio" on the old scripts and wrote in "Chris."

Then this week, Esme told Fancy how Fancy's relationship with Noah was just on-again, off-again, over and over and over.

Kind of makes me wonder: instead of writing such self-criticizing dialogue, why don't the writers just write plots that haven't already happened?

(By the way: Why is today's picture of Ethan when he's not mentioned? Because I like it.)

Tomorrow's Good Old Days

2006-05-16T11:51:00.000-04:00

A little time always makes things seem better. I didn't really love Timmy being on the show, speaking in that goofy little voice, acting so poorly. But now I see those as the "Passions" glory years.

Maybe in a couple years, after the show has been cancelled and forgotten by most people, we'll remember the current plots as the show's high water mark.

"Hey, remember when Whitney had those creepy blue contacts and that mushroom-head wig?"

"Yeah, that was insane. And she ran around with that hooded monk guy."

"Right, or what about Miguel falling in love with that mermaid?"

"Or how the guys were always shirtless, no matter what the scene was?"

"That was the best, man. I can't believe that was on daytime TV."

Yeah, maybe in hindsight it'll all look golden. It'll be like the Giuliani years -- we'll only remember the few bright spots.

But we're in the moment now, and man do these plots suck.

On another track: Remember to vote for the hunkiest in my poll. I'll close down voting this weekend and then we'll have a hunk-off for the top spot.

Not Smiling

2006-05-11T11:22:00.000-04:00

These should be good times on "Passions." The show has moved from its laser-like focus on love triangles and now has two supernatural plots. In one, a mermaid walks the earth, and in the other a spooky monk hunts for the holy grail.

So why am I not smiling?

Because they're stupid, that's why.

The mermaid plot is nothing but a speed bump in the road of the -- *sigh* -- Kay/Fox/Miguel love triangle. It means nothing. And the spooky monk thing is simply a concocted summertime event, like the Harmony Disaster or the L.A. beach house thing, and those never go anywhere. Plus, the story forces Whitney to act like an idiot, and I used to have more respect for her than that.

In the early days of the show, Tabitha had some real evilness to her. She wasn't worried about whether or not Kay got married -- she was planning a huge event that would destroy countless lives. I'm not sure if that ever happened or not (things tend to fizzle out on this show), but that's what I'd like to see -- major events that actually happen and really do change the "Passions" world. Now that would make me smile.

Polling the Readers

2006-05-05T10:58:00.000-04:00

But enough about my opinions. Today, readers, I want to know what you think. Please vote in this first Passionately Yours poll, for who you think is the hottest guy on the show. (This is for the current cast only, not past actors.)

[[Note: Voting for this poll has been stopped. Click here to read the results.]]

The Sound of "Passions"

2006-05-04T10:22:00.000-04:00

After yesterday's hugely successful "Passions" video post, I'm now giving you some music. Click the button below to hear the album Euphoria by Jane French. She's the nightingale who sings the "Passions" theme song. It's not on this album, but the tracks have a similar feel. I love that track 8 ("Infinity") is dedicated to Luis and Sheridan, and track 6 ("Let Love Win") is dedicated to Ethan and his stalker.

Euphoria

Or, here's the same album from Rhapsody.

Hearing the full album from either source requires a free registration. Remember that: It's free. It's a good deal.

"Passions" Bloopers

2006-05-03T12:17:00.000-04:00

If you haven't been over to YouTube, you've really got to check it out. It's got loads of user-submitted videos on all kinds of topics. You'll even find vids about our favorite soap. Check out this blooper clip I just found. Hilarious.

There are several others, too. I'll post other good ones from time to time.

Call Me Page Six-and-a-Half

2006-04-27T12:53:00.000-04:00

Heaven knows this blog hasn't always been kind to the stars of "Passions." We're thinking of wooden-headed Chris (shouldn't his acting be getting better by now?) and old lipless Sam. And we've been downright cruel to the writers (who believe in recycling so much that they've taken it to absurd lengths in their work). But now people with "the means" can change all that.

Inspired by the New York Post's Page Six, we're instituting a favorable mention program. Don't worry, we're not asking anywhere near what foppy Jared Paul Stern tried to get. We think you'll find our rates reasonable. A signed pic will get you a week of good coverage, "Passions" swag (t-shirts, coffee mugs) will get you a month, and secret pics of Mark Cameron Wystrach (Fox) changing in his dressing room will get you a year of glowing mentions.

*Sigh* Yes, I realize that this joke would have been funnier three weeks back, when the Page Six scandal was fresh. But that's how my mind works -- I can't think of something new until I get rid of the old.

By the way, Sam hasn't been getting much screen time lately. Perhaps he's in Rome searching for his lost lips.

F for Vendetta

2006-04-19T11:12:00.000-04:00

You have to give the "Passions" creators credit -- right? -- for the current Vendetta storyline. Don't you? I mean, for once they're doing something fun and spooky that has nothing to do with a complicated love affair. Several characters are plunging into a centuries-old mystery that will take them around the world and perhaps expose some explosive secrets. This is the kind of thing "Passions" should do more often, so you have to give them some credit, right?

Sure, but not too much. They're cheating in a lot of ways to make this come together quickly. Alistair keeps a roomful of secret documents below the Book Cafe? What? And instead of pouring through those documents, Simone and Paloma get hung up on a symbol. What planet is this happening on?

Then there's Whitney, who apparently checked her brain at the door when she became a novice. Why would she blindly trust this mysterious hooded man who walked through the wall? And don't even get me started on that alleged "disguise" they gave her yesterday. Jeez.

It's all a crazy rush to get every character to Italy, but the groundwork wasn't done. This mystery doesn't make any sense. There were no clues to lead Simone and Paloma to Italy; they just decided to go. Then they conveniently found a box of money. I'd like to go to France. Let me look around for my box of dough.

Through it all, I find that what bothers me most is that so-called mysterious symbol. It's an omega. Look, it has a name. Could someone please call it by name?

Other thoughts: Check out NBC.com's "Passions" section for some new quizzes. I took the year 1 and 2 quiz and got 16 out of 24. Post your scores here.

Hot Property

2006-04-18T10:45:00.000-04:00

Kay, it seems, is the hottest property in Harmony. Being wooed by two gorgeous men might be a problem, but it's a problem most of us would love to have.

There's only one thing wrong with this new plotline: it's absolute garbage. I can't make myself care about it. The only thing it has going for it is that the guys seem to hate wearing shirts.

First there's Kay. For most of "Passions," she's been a negative character, always scheming. She even sold her soul at one point. But then the memo went out that Alistair and his cronies could be the only villains on the show and overnight she became a nice girl. She's an unwed mother, has no education, worked in a fish canning plant until recently, and now works for her fiance.

Then there's Fox. He's the eligible son of one of the countries most powerful families. He's traveled all over the world and dated models, but now he wants to stay in sleepy Harmony. He was all over Whitney until she chose Chad. Now he's all over Kay. Why? No one knows.

And finally, there's Miguel. He's cosmically meant to be with Charity, in that silly overblown way that only exists on "Passions," and yet he's instantly transferred his emotions to Kay. Sure.

So we have three people who aren't that interesting and who were only thrown into a love triangle because someone thought it would look good on camera. But it doesn't. There's no chemistry to any of these relationships, and zero believability that either of these guys would be madly in love with Kay. It's frustrating to watch the show when the writers put so little into it.

C'mon here, work with us. Give us some build-up, lay some groundwork. Give us a reason to care.

It's Different this Time

2006-04-06T12:36:00.000-04:00

You see, the last time Luis and Sheridan were separated for a long time and she married the wrong man, they couldn't tell Antonio the truth because it might injure his health. But this time Sheridan and Chris can't tell Luis the truth because it might injure his health.

So you see, it's totally different this time.

The Harmony Ghoul

2006-04-05T18:38:00.000-04:00

Is this picture of some scary monster tied in with the new Vendetta/omega-sign mystery? No, it's just Sam in a wig from the Sci-Fi Channel show. Pretty frightening, right? I mentioned this awful wig the other day, but just found a screen cap.

What's worse, this wig or the long hair Sam is sporting on the current show? What a midlife crisis 'do that is.

Speaking of the lipless one, does anyone have screen caps of James Hyde when he was a Dead or Alive backup dancer? I saw caps years ago, and they're beyond belief. I'd love to share them with you all, but I can't find them online now. If you know the URL, please post it in comments.

Ah, Hank!

2006-04-04T11:14:00.000-04:00

At last, my favorite "Passions" hunk of them all has returned: original Hank is back on the Sci-Fi show. I didn't realize he showed up so late, but then I didn't watch the first six months.

Why do I love him? It's not just the face or the fact that he could act slightly better than the rest of the hunks. It's also that his character was a mix of good and bad qualities. In the "Passions" universe, where everyone is either saint or sinner, that made him a welcome exception.

In my opinion, the biggest mistake "Passions" ever made was in Hank shooting Sheridan. I don't mean the shooting itself; I mean the fact that it was a hoax. I thought it was real and I was completely impressed that the powers that be would allow something so terrible to happen, and would kill off one of the show's main characters. But then we learned not only was it fake, but it was an impossibly complex hoax involving Dr. Eve and a actual burial. (Sheridan even went to Heaven and saw her mother. How could that have happened?)

From that moment on we all learned never to trust "Passions." Everything that's done can be undone; everything can be a hoax or a dream sequence. That terrible plot resolution took so much away from the show.

Wiggin' Out

2006-03-29T10:47:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong that, on my vacation last week, as I toured sunny destinations in the western Caribbean by day and drank overpriced cocktails on a cruise ship by night, that the only thing going through my mind was "What's going on on 'Passions'? Has Theresa found a new way to torture dim Ethan? Has rubber-faced Noah told Fancy his terrible secret? Will Luis experience deja-vu when he finds that Sheridan has once again married another man?"

That's why I'm obsessed. "Passions," I wish I could quit you.

How comforting to find that nothing happened. "Passions" will wait for you. Take a week off. Hell, take a month off. "Passions" will wait. Nothing major will happen until you get back. Any maybe not even then.

Actually, the thing that struck me the most on my return was Sam's hideous wig on the Sci-Fi oldies version. I didn't start with the show until six months in, so I never saw this wig. Wow, I hope the make-up person was fired over that one.

It got me wondering, how many "Passions" men have had to wear ridiculous wigs in the name of flashbacks? Alistair, of course (see picture), and Sam. I think Julian. Did T.C. ever do it? Help me out here; who am I missing? I should put together a gallery of just wig shots.

Birth of a Stalker

2006-03-09T11:34:00.000-05:00

The early "Passions" episodes now on the Sci-Fi channel are a fascinating look at the birth of a stalker. You find that this was never an innocent schoolgirl crush -- it was majorly creepy from the start. Here's a pic of Theresa stalking Ethan in a locker room, fixated on the man who's life she would later destroy. You can see everything that's coming up -- assaulting his wife so that she couldn't have children, raping him, stealing their embryo, controlling his finances and job possibilities -- all wrapped up in this one twisted, needy stare.

By the way, this pic comes from Dreamcaps, a great site for "Passions" hunk lovers. Check out the Eye Candy forum. They have a lot of pics from the recent male beauty contest on Sci Fi -- plenty of shirtless Luis and Miguel shots.

Sexy Travis

2006-03-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

Readers, you're letting me down. You know how I love former Ethan Travis Schuldt, and no one told me he was guesting on "Scrubs."

I didn't see the episodes, but I saw several cute screen caps online, including this one. Lovely. Always between a boy and a man, that's our Travis. In another cap, he was snuggling in bed with Zach Braff's character. Could someone who saw the show let me know what was going on there? Post a comment. I'm betting it was a dream sequence, but maybe it was something better.

Have you noticed that all the men who graduate from "Passions" get roles that require them to show their chests? There's Jesse Metcalfe as the gardener on "Desperate Housewives" and Justin Hartley as boy Aquaman. And now this. "Passions" is like boot camp for himbos.

The Unkindest Cut

2006-03-01T01:07:00.000-05:00

I'm in a negative mood today... and the reason is Fox's hair.

Who, tell me who, picked this new hairstyle? It's so generic. So model-boy blah. He just looks like any catalog hottie now, handsome (of course), but in a completely cookie-cutter way.

The first Fox has a spikey, highlighted 'do that completely meshed with his off-kilter personality. New Fox, for a couple weeks anyway, had a John Kennedy kind of hairstyle, that looked right for the son of a wealthy family.

But now he just looks so generic. It's an awful cut and it really bothers me that some hack producer thought it would be a good move.

As long as I'm in a negative mood regarding Fox, could the writers just once give us some idea what he sees in Kay? They were thrown together without ever building a relationship, and we never got the slightest idea why Fox would be into this, or why he stays with her. It seems like she's always being negative -- about the proposal, about dancing with him -- and he just adores her. Come on, Ethan is already taking the role of the Ken doll fantasy man. Couldn't Fox just have a little bit of edge to him?

The "Passions" Hat Trick

2006-02-25T00:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a banner day for "Passions." It's not everyday we get the "Passions" Hat Trick.

First, we had Ethan exposing his chest while wearing his robe (a curious hooded robe, that I bet is for sale right now on NBC.com). Ethan likes to wear a robe wide open, so that his chest is fully exposed. For such a straight-laced boy, he's quite an exhibitionist.

Next, we had his half-brother Fox post-shower, wrapped in a towel and gingerly dabbing his neck with a second towel. Interesting drying technique that boy has. Doesn't want to muss the hair.

Finally, new Miguel entered Kay's dreams by stripping off his shirt. This was the first shirtless appearance of new Miguel and wowee! What a bod. As long as he stays shirtless, I'll never notice his stiff-as-a-plank line delivery.

Shirtless hunks: they're the one thing we can all agree on. Some people hate Theresa, some love her; some want more magic and silliness on the how, some want it more traditional. But no one refuses three helpings of shirtless himbo.

AquaFox

2006-02-22T11:44:00.000-05:00

For fans of old-Fox Justin Hartley in a swimsuit (and who isn't?), comes big news from TV Guide. He's been tapped as a replacement for the lead in the new Aquaman TV show, which is a "Smallville" spin-off. The news item says the producers decided on Hartley because they wanted to go in a different direction. Any bets on what that means?

Read the article here. The link will only be good for a day or so.

I'm curious to see what Hartley will bring to the role. Will he use the same goofy manner and flat delivery that charmed us all on "Passions"? Or has he been saving his good stuff?

This makes Hartley the second "Passions" break-out star, after old-Miguel Jesse Metcalfe. I bet Galen Gering is pissed!

Class is Dismissed

2006-02-18T00:07:00.000-05:00

Watching both the new "Passions" episodes and the classic ones (on the Sci-Fi) channel is a big pain, since now the show sucks up twice as much of my day. But it does give us a rare view of where "Passions" was and how it's changed.

Class differences were huge in the beginning. The Cranes were untouchables and didn't even mingle with the townsfolks. Gwen had to insist that Ethan go to the carnival just so he'd meet a few locals. The Lopez-Fitzgeralds were clearly the lowest on the Harmony social spectrum, and much was made of the poverty they had to endure. There was a huge gulf between the Cranes and everyone else.

In the current episodes, there might be a difference in income, but there's no class difference at all. The Cranes mingle with townspeople all the time. They even romance them. Julian and Eve. Noah and Fancy. Ivy and Sam. Fox and Kay. And Ethan spends more time with his stalker than he does his wife.

The writers gave away a powerful theme when they dismissed class from the show. They could have used it to make some interesting points, here in the George W. years, when the gulf between rich and poor is widening and social programs are being cut dramatically. I wonder what the show would be like if the Cranes had stayed on their hill, overlooking the town, but never being a part of it.

Day Four

2006-02-16T17:04:00.000-05:00

The answer is day four. For anyone wondering how long it would take for the new Fox, Mark Cameron Wystrach, to strip down, the answer is day four.

Thank God. I don't know what took so long.

We all knew that Justin Hartley, a big fan favorite, would be hard to replace. But I have to say that I think Wystrach was a fantastic choice. Hartley had a frat boy likability and an easy quirky manner. He seemed genuine, which is increasingly rare on "Passions." But, on the downside, he was never even slightly convincing as Fox, the bad boy son of a wealthy family. This was not a guy who had lived the playboy lifestyle for many years. I blame Hartley's flat, Midwestern delivery.

Wystrach actually does feel like he could be a wealthy Crane (although he doesn't feel like a former playboy, either). And, as we all learned today, his body rivals Eric Martsolf's. Damn, if I looked like that, I'd never wear shirts.

The only downside with Wystrach is that he's so softspoken. Why is he whispering? I'm sure he'll grow into the character.

Wystrach is actually a decent actor, which is also rare on this show, and he feels a lot more genuine than Martsolf, who comes off as plastic as a Ken doll. That's why new Fox is now my fav on the show. Long live Fox!

Anything Goes

2006-02-14T15:41:00.000-05:00

So now the snow is off my satellite dish and I've seen a classic episode of "Passions." I didn't start watching the show until six months in, so these episodes are new to me.

I have to say I'm disappointed.

They're better!

There was this twisted "anything goes" spirit in the beginning. It was fun. Ethan was acting like a privileged ass; Luis was a hothead. They were having a good time. The plots were silly and weird. You can't even imagine Ethan acting like that now, since he became St. Ethan the Good.

Now, the show is all about nearly holy people hiding dark secrets (not that they ever did anything wrong; they were just caught in a bad situation). And it's about couples with no chemistry, like Fox and Kay or Noah and Fancy. It's gotten into a rut and it's not nearly as fun. I want the show back the way it was.

And I want Travis Schuldt back. He didn't have Eric Martsolf's bod, but mmm, there was just something about him.

We're All Sci-Fi Nerds Now

2006-02-13T14:04:00.000-05:00

"Passions" fans are the same as comic book fanboys and "Battlestar Galactica" groupies. That's what I've learned now that "Passions" is being replayed from the beginning on the Sci-Fi Network.

Did you know that you've been watching sci-fi all this time? I thought I was watching a traditional soap that throws in a touch of witchcraft and loads of beefcake to attract a younger viewer. But I guess I've been watching science fiction.

I can't wait to start seeing the classic episodes, to once again enjoy classic Ethan, classic Kay, and the same Julian but with darker hair. I can't watch it today, though, because there was too much snow on my satellite dish this morning to get reception. Great, the debut of sci-fi "Passions" had to correspond with the largest snowfall on record in the New York City area.

I'll catch it tomorrow, though. The snow has already melted enough.

I'm thrilled to see that Passionate, the "Passions" photo gallery site, is capping the classic episodes. Sure, Eric Martsolf is probably the hottest guy on TV, but there was always something special about Travis Schuldt.

Plus, now I'll get to see classic Hank again, who was always my favorite.

Maya Revealed

2006-01-21T11:40:00.000-05:00

Whew! I'm so glad the writers quickly revealed who the woman with the hideous footwear is. "Passions" is full of deja vu moments, and when we started seeing those awful brown boots in the snow so quickly after the woman-in-white mystery was revealed, I thought, "Here we go again." Luckily, we only had to stare at Maya's ankles for a few days before finally seeing her oddly round face.

Deja vu moments? "Passions" has them by the bucketful. I think the writers are their own best inspiration. Ethan was in a coma last month and now it's Alistair's turn. And he'll be in it until it's convenient to bring him out of it. The only difference this time around is that Alistair isn't lying in his hospital bed barechested. Funny how he gets covered when Ethan never was.

Spoiler Alert!

2006-01-12T23:29:00.000-05:00

Wah-hoo! I finally got some good spoiler information! I normally don't like spoilers, but this time I'll make an exception since it comes from a super-secret "Passions" source.

I found out for sure who Alistair's attempted killer was. Yep, I found out and I'm going to share it with you.

The person who tried to protect his or her secret by stabbing Alistair in the back. That's what I found out and what I'll be telling you.

If you don't like spoiler information, stop reading this now, because I'm about to reveal the name of the attempted killer.

The stabber's name will follow, so again, stop reading if you don't want to know.

Someone really wanted to protect his or her secret, don't you think?

I think we should recap all those secrets now, just to refresh our memories. Noah's secret is, well, I guess we don't know Noah's secret. Something about a guy getting shot I think. But Alistair knew it, and that's what counts. And perhaps that's why he was stabbed.

Now Kay's secret...

On second thought, maybe we don't need to recap all the secrets. I'll just tell you the name.

The attempted killer is...

about to be told...

I think I'm getting carpal tunnel from all this typing. Let me take a break...

Okay, I'm back now, and I'm about to reveal the name.

The stabber is...

(can you dig it?)

The name is...

Hold on, there's someone at the door. Package delivery, I guess. I can't even remember what I ordered. Maybe it's those baby elephant figurines from Red Envelope. Or those Gothic sconces from Pottery Barn. Wow, the anticipation. Hang a sec...

I'm back now. I missed the UPS guy. Guess I should have answered the door instead of typing about how it might be a package delivery.

Anyway, the name.

The name is...

Shoot, there's my beeper. I'm due at the ER. Someone's going into labor. I'll have to tell you the name tomorrow. But it'll be worth the wait.

Honest.

Dr. Eve Get's it Right (and Wrong)

2006-01-09T12:04:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just don't know what to make of Dr. Eve. I'll see her working every department in Harmony General, from the morgue to pre-natal to the ER, and I'll think, "What a powerhouse. I bet she even does the billing." Then other days she'll declare someone dead ten minutes before they wake up amazingly recovered. She gets the imminent death thing wrong a lot, I've noticed.

This Alistair episode has only deepened my confusion. A few days ago, she declared him dead after not finding a pulse. What kind of a doctor is this -- she couldn't even detect his pulse? Don't tell me it was weak -- of course it was, he'd just been stabbed with a butcher knife. You'd expect the pulse to be pretty shallow, if it's there at all.

But then she pulled Alistair through using his in-house hospital equipment. What really impressed me, though, was when she told Julian she'd removed the knife and sutured Alistair up. She sewed up internal wounds 12-inches deep, without assistance and in an evening gown. She didn't even muss her hair! I take it all back, she's a super doctor after all.

A Touch of Evil

2006-01-05T23:29:00.000-05:00

Wasn't yesterday's show delicious? For much of the hour, it was exactly the soap I want it to be. I was so happy.

The show opened with Fancy flipping out over Alistair being stabbed, while everyone else in the room looked discretely away. Then Rebecca suggested they all get a drink and everyone made for the bar. Delicious, I say it again. Great timing and great dark humor.

I also loved when Katherine said there was no way they could all stay in that room and watch Alistair die -- they should adjourn to the solarium for bridge.

Fantastic.

Credit for the fun also goes to those weird fishbowl close-up shots, as the camera zipped around the room studying every guilty face.

For a moment, it became clear to me what "Passions" needs to do if it's every going to become insanely great, must-watch TV: Everyone needs to be a little bit evil. I'm sick of all the saints in Harmony. The show would be a lot more fun if more people on it were vicious backstabbing bastards and bitches. Maybe Sam could sneak off to get revenge on Spike, or Julian could silence Liz once and for all. Sheridan can stay a saint, just for contrast, but it's much more fun when everyone is a little bit dirty.

The only part of the episode I didn't like was when it became clear that Alistair would live. Kill him off, I say. Having one hugely evil guy is too limiting for the show.

But giving everyone a touch of evil, now that's sure to be fun.

Loving Theresa

2006-01-02T13:49:00.000-05:00

I've noticed something interesting about some -- not all, but some -- Theresa supporters: they're as batshit crazy as she is.

Check out this posting of mine from September, reacting to an angry response I'd gotten about something I'd written on the Harmony stalker.

I keep getting new responses to this posting, and the people who write them seem absolutely nuts. Check out the all caps one toward the end, written by a person who called herself Rolanda on other posts. Look how crazy she seems, and how she disregards everything bad that Theresa does. I guarantee that Rolanda lives in a trailer and practices Santeria.

Then yesterday I got two new nutty ones from an anonymous poster. This person thinks that everyone in Harmony is as bad as Theresa because Eve used to use drugs, Simone is a lesbian, and Ethan is dumb.

Look people, I love watching Theresa, but you have to admit that she's a loon. Just a few days ago she broke a vow to God and then threatened people with a scalpel after Ethan himself asked her to leave his hospital room. Like her if you want, but please stop blindly defending her.

Otherwise you risk sounding as crazy as she does.

Penny for Ethan's Thoughts

2005-12-17T21:18:00.000-05:00

I like the way the writers have been using thought balloons to show what Endora and James are thinking. It must make working with child actors easier. They don't need to say anything special -- just toss on a thought balloon and your done.

I was thinking they should do that with comatose Ethan, too. Why not? I'd love to know what's going through his pretty but vacant head as he's lying there. Here's what I'm guessing.

Happy holidays, readers. I'll be away for the holiday, so see you next week.

By Any Other Name

2005-12-13T16:48:00.000-05:00

Names the "Passions" writers considered and rejected before settling on "Fancy":

Princess
Poodle
Pinkee/Pinky
Special
Splendid
Splendora
Taffee/Taffy
Tiffany
Goosey
Cupcake
Delightful
Pumpkin
Pudding-pop
Honey
Sweetie
Lovey
Babe
Paris

Three Scenes

2005-12-11T00:24:00.000-05:00

Three quick scenes from a recent "Passions":

1. (Medium shot of Dr. Eve Russell in her office, looking concerned)

Dr. Russell: Ethan's condition is so weak. And now he's been kidnapped by Theresa... (Suddenly looks startled, turns; close-up shot) ... Dear God, I hope she knows not to cover his chest!

2. (Medium-shot of Gwen and Rebecca, in Ethan's hospital room)

Gwen: I'll kill that crazy bitch the next time I see her. Kidnapping my husband for her own twisted... (Suddenly looks horrified, turns to Rebecca; close-up shot) ... Oh my God, does she know that she can't cover his chest?!

3. (Medium shot of Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald-Crane in the Crane cabin, sitting by Ethan's bedside)

Theresa: (Crying as she speaks) Don't worry, Ethan, I'll take excellent care of you here, and I'll never let anything happen to you until you wake up. I'll feed you and give you your medicine and clean the bedpan ... (sobs) ... and I'll be careful never to cover your beautiful chest.

Too Silly?

2005-12-08T10:42:00.000-05:00

I've been getting a feeling with the latest Theresa storyline that I rarely get with "Passions." This is just too silly, too ridiculous.

Now, the ridiculousness is why we love "Passions." We love Tabitha's backfiring spells, Sheridan's several visits to the Pearly Gates, and, of course, Theresa's twisted obsession. But can even "Passions" cross the line?

I think so. This coma thing feels less like the writers trying to tell an engaging story than them trying to find one more bizarre thing for Theresa to do. It's got to be hard to top the embryo-stealing. She should still be in jail for that one.

I dunno, maybe I'm being too hard on a show that's only trying to be fun and outrageous, but I think "Passions" gets in trouble when it gets too cartoony and unbelievable. And the Ethan-napping has me rolling my eyes.

Another Track: Today's picture comes from my new favorite site, Passionate: A Passions Photo Gallery. Check it out.

Yet Another Track: Endora is so darn cute! What a charmer.

Discrimination Begins at Home

2005-12-01T15:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's scene between Simone and old Aunt Irma was a surprise and a pleasure. Did a guest writer do this? Or can the existing "Passions" writers actually take on a divisive topic in a way that illuminates characters and makes the audience think?

If so, they should do it more often.

(Okay, I'm being harsh; the Ethan-is-a-vegetable plot is also pretty good and thought-provoking.)

Anyway, I liked how they contrasted Aunt Irma's history with racial prejudice with her readiness to turn away her own great-niece for being a lesbian. There's a lot of room for interesting stories there, and I think they should bring back Aunt Irma more often. Maybe the nursing home burns down and the Russels have to take her in.

On another track: As great-looking as he is, man is it difficult to watch Chris's scenes. He speaks like he has a new mouth and he hasn't learned how to use it yet.

Catching Up Is Easy

2005-11-29T21:48:00.000-05:00

Well, getting back into "Passions" after my hiatus was easier than I thought it would be. The writers anticipated my busy time and kindly had nothing happen during my absence.

If anything did happen, I couldn't tell. Okay, Fancy and Noah are together now and they weren't before, but that's not all that compelling. I find myself unable to care whether they end up together or not.

What did bother me was the Ethan-is-a-vegetable plot. It seems like a cheap way to exploit a difficult issue, and I can't help feeling like Theresa will end up the hero here, although what she's doing is immoral. It wasn't easy for Ethan to make that living will, but he did so that he would spare his family any difficulties. It wasn't easy for Gwen to enforce it, but she's going to, to honor his request. But it's totally easy for Theresa to run around trying to fight Ethan and his family.

And because you know Ethan will come out of it, in one of those dramatic cures that only happens on soaps, Theresa will be the hero. It's cheapening an issue that's all too real for a lot of families.

I can't help laughing, though, whenever I see Ethan undressed in the bed, like a comatose Chippendale. Priorities.

(Just Like) Starting Over

2005-11-28T22:09:00.000-05:00

Hey there -- anybody still reading? I realize that after going so long without a post, I've probably driven a lot of loyal people away. My bad. Mea culpa. I was swamped with work and then I had my mother in town. So I've been crazy busy. Sorry.

I've also been too busy to watch our favorite soap for a long time. It's kind of a weird feeling, not knowing the latest. That great John Lennon song keeps going through my head. I'll watch today's show tonight (on my DVR) and it'll be just like starting over.

Once I missed several months of the show because I was between gyms and I was only watching at the gym then. It doesn't actually take that long to get up to speed again. Not that much happens on the show. Most of the plots are simply obstacles meant to delay anything major from happening.

To keep you entertained, here's a funny "Passions" cartoon I found. I'll be back again with a regular post tomorrow.

Skin-Tastic

2005-11-15T11:31:00.000-05:00

Other tricks that the "Passions" producers have in mind to get the show's men shirtless:

1. Liz needs to raise money quickly or she'll lose the Blue Note. Noah dances a strip-tease at the fund-raising lady's night.

2. Fox and Chad get so mad at each other that they fight a dual with swords. Of course, they remove their shirts beforehand.

3. Theresa smacks Gwen across the forehead with a fireplace poker. Ethan uses his shirt to bandage the wound.

4. Chris develops a life-threatening allergy to fabrics, but only on his torso.

5. Sam gets a little too into it at a Dead or Alive concert and starts dancing on the stage.

Betting on the Wrong Couple

2005-11-10T23:02:00.000-05:00

Falling in love with a "Passions" couple is a serious undertaking. You don't want to give your heart to growing romance only to find it doesn't have the staying power. Especially if you're building a Web site, then you want to make sure this is something that will last.

Sadly, the Internet is littered with "Passions" sites devoted to couples that didn't make it. Look at Surrender: A Fox and Whitney site. I feel kind of bad for them. I mean, we all thought Fox and Whitney would last. It had all the classic "Passions" signs: it took them a long time to come together, Whitney was with Chad while Fox fibbed about some mystery woman, there was lots of anguish and longing. Whenever a relationship comes hard in "Passions," that's supposed to show us that it's worthy. People don't just meet and decide to go out on this show.

For all the time it took them to get together, Fox and Whitney split in no time. The people on this site don't seem to have noticed. They still post to their forums about "Foxney." Yuck. Boy does that sound awful. Let's all stop with the combined names, okay?

I wonder if there are any Reese/Jessica sites out there.

One More Thing: While surfing today, I stumbled across this "Passions" drinking game. It's kind of cute. Sure, two in the afternoon is a little early to start drinking, but what the hell. Pour one for me, while you're at it.

The Battle of Who Could Care Less

2005-11-09T21:10:00.000-05:00

Readers, I ask you, which do you care less about: the Sheridan-Chris relationship or the "Passions" mystery woman?

With Sheridan and Chris we have an absolutely spark-less couple, the worst actor since the second Hank, and a completely vacant kid thrown in purely as a catalyst to their limp romance. Plus, we know that Luis is coming back and that sooner or later Sheridan will return to him.

With the "Passions" mystery woman we have the writers dangling a mystery inches from our eyes and saying "Here, aren't you curious? Look! Look!" Sure. A woman skulking about in a small New England town wearing a head-to-toe white robe. If she's trying to hide herself, she couldn't have chosen a worse outfit.

Post a comment and vote, and we'll have our decision. Then the winner will compete against the relationship between Chad and his secretary (whatever her name is).

Call it "I Love Theresa"

2005-11-08T11:56:00.000-05:00

Who doesn't love it when the writers go campy? Remember "I Love Lucy," and how Lucy was always trying crazy schemes to get in Ricky's show? Well, that's what we've got on "Passions."

Theresa says to Viv, "I know, I'll take the place of their surrogate mother and steal their embryo."

Viv says, "Oh, you can't do that, Theresa. Ricky'll kill you if he finds out!"

Or then yesterday when Lady Demented dressed up as a cleaning lady and did a hokey ethnic accent all so she could get into Ethan's room and cry her big mascara-stained tears on his oddly exposed chest. What a riot. What'll this kook do next? If only real stalkers were this much fun.

Another track: Loved Rebecca's vegetable soup line yesterday. Thank goodness we have Rebecca to liven things up.

Leave a Beautiful Corpse

2005-11-03T22:04:00.000-05:00

I tell you, even in the worst of times, "Passions" has its priorities. Ethan is comatose and may die or live out his life as a vegetable...but there's still time for ogling his fantastic chest. I ask you, have you ever been in a hospital room where the patient was kept half undressed? I sure haven't.

Not to be shady, but this coma thing seems to fit Eric Martsolf's acting style to a T. It's like he's been practicing for years.

And woe, nutty Theresa is to blame for his state, her and her spicy guacamole. But it wasn't her intention, you see. She only meant to kill her husband, whom she only recently swore marriage vows to in a church, before God, vows that she didn't mean. The Theresa apologists must be having a hard time defending this one.

The Interruption

2005-10-30T19:15:00.000-05:00

So I'm watching my recording of "Passions" the other night and it's a good one: Twisted Theresa is trying to murder her husband (for a religious person, she didn't have a problem lying to God in her marriage vows, did she?) and clueless T.C. is about to get a clue about Simone.

Then the show was interrupted.

For the rest of the hour, NBC carried Patrick Fitzgerald's long-awaited announcement about the results of his two-year investigation.

That spoiled what looked to be a pretty good show.

But I didn't care.

Patrick Fitzgerald is my new hero.

Go get 'em, Fitz! There's a lot of corruption to this affair, and I'm glad someone is on the case.

Death Be Not the End

2005-10-27T23:58:00.000-04:00

Not on "Passions" it isn't. I don't read the spoiler sites and I still know that that isn't Luis in the box. And how many times has Sheridan died? There were two times, I think, that she went to Heaven and met her mother at the gates. So how do the writers explain that one, with her mother now being alive, or don't they bother?

"Passions" doesn't reward viewers for paying attention.

I understand that there's a supposed murder coming up, and it looks like the writers are gearing up to knock off Alistair. I bet, when all this is over, that neither Alistair nor anyone else in the cast will have died. The only people who die in Harmony are Jessica's johns.

It makes me wish somebody would just stay dead. The Powers That Be need to realize that all these reversals just make the audience feel jerked around and unable to invest in the show.

Another Track: I loved Rebecca's Provincetown joke the other day. It was funny and mean, and it reminded us that the show really is set in New England. But then today Tabitha did a Provincetown joke. C'mon writers, you can't repeat a good thing the very next day.

Where Are my Rewards?

2005-10-19T18:14:00.000-04:00

Once again I have to blog about a cool, high-tech thing being done... by another soap!

"Days of Our Lives" is starting a rewards program where viewers create an account at the show's Web site, watch the show every day, then log into their account to answer a question about that day's episode. Doing so earns them points they can use to buy crappy things they don't need.

Doesn't that sound great? I can't understand why "Passions," which probably has a young, computer-savvy audience, doesn't have a program like this. But "Days" is also on NBC, so maybe if this catches on, "Passions" will get it, too. Hope so. I'd love to earn some rewards for watching this silly show.

Another track: Thanks to the poster yesterday who tipped me off to TV Guide's soap opera poll. This week's question is whether or not people like the many shirtless scenes in today's soaps, and they illustrate the poll with the same Eric Martsolf pic I used a couple days ago. Clearly somebody at TV Guide reads this blog. That's cool. How about a link?

I voted and was surprised to find that about 20 percent of the respondents don't like the shirtless scenes. Crazy. I wish the men of "Passions" never wore shirts at all.

Ethan's Home on the Web

2005-10-18T10:26:00.000-04:00

I was browsing the personal homepage of Eric Martsolf, the muscled actor who plays Ethan, looking for photos to crib, and it's kind of fun. You should take a look.

On the About Eric page, he says that he plays Ethan Crane on "Passions." Help me out here, but didn't Ethan change his name before Martsolf took the role? Even if he didn't, it's not Ethan Crane anymore. He should edit that.

The best thing about the site is the Media page, where you can see Martsolf in some earlier stage roles, usually wearing tight and sexy outfits. A few have audio files attached. You can see that he has a lot more range than he gets to use in playing Ethan. Ethan has to be a challenge for any actor, since he's so dim and passive.

Martsolf regularly posts to the Message Boards, which is nice. But the frequent posters, his die-hard fans, made me sad. There are the cool kids who watch "Passions" (us; everyone who reads this site), and then there are... well, you'll have to see the postings to know what I mean.

"Passions" on Demand?

2005-10-15T13:18:00.000-04:00

So I'm at the Digital Life Expo in New York yesterday (it continues through the weekend; you should go) and at one booth there's this really gorgeous-looking guy working. So I go over. Trample an old woman as I run, but that's not the point.

Turns out the booth is advertising the "Guiding Light" podcast service, which has been available for over a month now. People can use podcasting software like Apple iTunes to download audio files of complete "Guiding Light" episodes every day, for free. So if you don't have time to watch the show, you can put it on your iPod (or other player) and listen on the go.

Wouldn't it be great if "Passions" had a service like that? It's the youngest show, so shouldn't it be a little tech-savvy? I'd find it handy. Sure, the show would miss something if I couldn't see nutty Theresa's awful crying, with the mascara running down her cheeks, but I'd deal.

By the way, I'm not sure who the hunk at the booth was. The CBS site says that cast members will be on hand, but I don't watch the show so I don't know who he was. If anybody knows who the actor was on Friday, post a comment. He was a gorgeous young guy with brown hair, a killer smile, and a flat ass. Yeah, I looked.

I didn't have a picture of the booth to illustrate this posting, so I'm using another one of hunky Ethan. You complaining?

S-pec-tacular

2005-10-13T23:50:00.000-04:00

You saw yesterday's show, right? Wooden dolt Ethan and nutty Theresa were having a long conversation and, for no apparent reason, Ethan's shirt was wide open and his gorgeous slabs of pecs were on display. I guess we were supposed to think he was caught in the middle of undressing and didn't have time -- what? -- to button one button?

I love that the writers are acknowledging the main reason we watch this show. Sure, the silly plots are fun, but if all the men in the cast looked like Jack Klugman, the show wouldn't have lasted a month.

The writers used to create plausible reasons for the male characters to flash their pecs: swimming, changing in the locker room, crawling into bed. Those days are over. Expect the better-looking men to now walk around with their shirts open while in town or at work. Maybe one of Tabitha's spells will backfire and all the buttons in town will disappear.

Hey, that works for me. Do what you gotta do, writers.

Mambo Italiano

2005-10-11T10:21:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's "Passions" was preempted in the New York area by coverage of the Columbus Day Parade. As a longtime resident, I can tell you that the city has a different ethnic parade every weekend and most of them are more exciting than this one. I think it's simply tradition that this boring Italy-fest gets TV time. Still, I had recorded it automatically so I decided to watch it.

One of the cohosts was former "Saturday Night Live" cast member Joe Piscapo, and I thought the low point of the parade was when the female cohost asked him what his favorite pasta was. Really. She did. I believe he answered cappalinni arrabiata, for those who need to know.

Then I saw that the grand marshall was draconian, rule-twisting Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Now that's the low point, I thought. What a great role model for the little bambinos, a crooked judge with horns.

But then, right at the end, the true low point came. Joe Piscapo joined a high school marching band and sang "New York, New York" in a wavering Frank Sinatra imitation, going in and out of it frequently. To really ramp up the cringe factor, he changed some of the words to reflect his Italian pride. Close-ups revealed that life has not been kind to Joe Piscapo.

Okay, that's enough of a break. Now bring back nutty Theresa and wooden hunk Ethan.

No Fox, No!

2005-10-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

From our favorite online rag, TV Guide, comes news that Justin Hartley (sob) is leaving the role of Fox. His last show will be in February and the roll will be recast.

Awww, I'm so bummed. Justin was one of the best things about the show. His charm, his good looks, his off-kilter way of moving and talking. And, of course, his shirtless scenes. Why couldn't it have been Chad?

According to the story, he's leaving to try for bigger parts in Hollywood. Well, good luck to him. Here's the story, by the way. It's the third item down. This is a general link, so it'll only go to the right story until they next update the page in a week or so. Here's a related story about the "Passions" fan event where he made the announcement.

So long, Fox. Could we have one more shirtless scene before you go?

Harmony Horndogs

2005-10-06T21:20:00.000-04:00

For a hot, steamy soap, "Passions" seems pretty sex-negative to me. Ever noticed how the characters who really enjoy sex are the villains? There's Alistair, of course, and definitely Rebecca. Back when Julian was a villain, he wanted sex all the time. Now that's he's changed, he's a lot more chaste.

Sure there are loving sexual encounters, like with Sheridan and Luis or Noah and Fancy. But more often sex is impure. Look at how Theresa uses her sexuality as a weapon. She first used it to lure Ethan into her bed, even though he was committed to Gwen. Then she raped him to get pregnant. Now she's used her sexuality to wed Alistair so that she's in the position to get Ethan and Jane.

Then there's Jessica the prostitute. Of course that's a bad thing, especially considering her age and how she was led into it. But what's with these Johns she's getting? They always pull knives on her! I'm no expert, but I think most of the men who hire callgirls are just regular guys who wouldn't try to hurt anybody. Jessica sure knows how to pick 'em.

For years now I've noticed this duality in "Passions," that it wants to appear young and wild, but that it actually delivers a heavy-handed and moralistic message, and it's one of the things that bugs me about the show the most. Agree? Or think that the show's traditional morality is refreshing? Let me know.

On another track: Anyone give a crap who the woman with the red fingernails is?

Legal Loopholes

2005-10-05T22:53:00.000-04:00

Here are a few curious legal facts about Harmony that we'd learned in the past few days:

1. If you have your wife declared dead, but she later turns up alive, your marriage is still annulled. The actual fact of her being alive doesn't matter. Go ahead and get hitched again.

2. If you sign a piece of paper saying that you'll never leave your wife, it's valid in a court of law. More valid that your actual wedding vows. Who knew?

BTW, I finally found a picture of Theresa in her dress, but it doesn't show the whole thing -- and that bell-shaped skirt is the best part. If you know of a good "Passions" screen cap site, let me know.

The Royal Wedding

2005-09-29T17:04:00.000-04:00

Wow, you've got to admit, yesterday was the kind of show we watch "Passions" for. First we get an hour of overblown talk from Alistair about how he has news that will change all their lives...

forever...

I'd advise you not to leave...

Then we get the image of Theresa in a wedding dress discarded by an Atlantic City showgirl (she wasn't married in it -- she only wore it on stage).

Wow! I didn't think the show could deliver enough to justify Alistair's long-winded nonsense, but this did. I love it when "Passions" goes camp. Thank you, writers.

The picture I'm posting here isn't from yesterday's show, obviously. It's from an attempted wedding to Ethan number 1. Or a dream of a wedding. I can't keep track. But if you have a screen cap from yesterday's show or know where one is, please let me know. I've got to get a picture of Theresa in the cootchy-cootchy wedding gown. Too much. Right Theresa, this will have Ethan running back to you in a hurry.

The "Passions" Experience

2005-09-28T17:34:00.000-04:00

I was walking by the NBC Experience Store in Rockefeller Center the other day and for a second I got excited thinking I'd pop inside and see what "Passions" items they have in stock. Then I remembered that I'd done that a few times before, with disappointing results.

"Passions" ain't exactly the biggest gun in NBC's arsenal, so it doesn't have a lot of items in the store. You'll find a few girl's t-shirts and a keychain, I think. And I'm not sure about the keychain.

To help the store planners out, here are a few things I'd like to see in the "Passions" section. Feel free to kick in your own ideas.

1. A men's black t-shirt that says "Passions."

2. Men's briefs with Ethan's face on the front.

3. Men's briefs with Ethan's, Noah's, Fox's, and Chris's faces all in a row.

4. A Men of "Passions" playing card set, with revealing photos.

5. That great jacket/shirt thing that Chris has been wearing.

Improbables

2005-09-27T22:52:00.000-04:00

Here are a few unlikely spoilers for the upcoming months:

1. Chris will remove his face mask and reveal himself to be Alistair in a bodysuit.

2. Luis and Sheridan will get married and live happily ever after.

3. Someone will say what he desperately needs to say before the commercial break.

4. Theresa will accept that Ethan loves Gwen and just move on with her damn life.

5. Someone will hack into Fancy's Sidekick and discover nude photos of her with Simone.

A Roomful of Monkeys

2005-09-26T22:20:00.000-04:00

Whenever I watch the Chris-Sheridan segments lately, I wonder if I've taken some of Mugatu's crazy pills. Chris is going to baptize his child, so he asks a guy he's never met before to be the godfather? And this guy, lipless Sam, a religious man who knows all the responsibilities that go along with the position, accepts? What? Am I on crazy pills or was that written by a roomful of monkeys?

Anyone else catch the shirt/jacket thing that Chris has been wearing these last few days? Damn, that's sweet. If you know where to get it, let me know.

Finally, let us bid adieu to fake Sheridan. I think her last show was Thursday. You tried your best, we'll let it go at that.

Charming Like a Fox

2005-09-24T10:28:00.000-04:00

He's kind of a goofball, or at least he comes off that way. I'm not talking about Fox, I'm talking about the actor who plays him, Justin Hartley. He makes odd faces while on camera. Once I saw him lick his lips, which I don't think I've ever seen an actor do before. It came off as so shocking that I had to go back on my DVR to make sure I'd seen it correctly. He carries himself in an odd way, as if he's never sure what to do with his long limbs.

He also doesn't seem to be in the same soap as everybody else. While most of the other characters, like Ethan, Chad, and Luis, have a grim same-old-soap demeanor, Hartley plays Fox like he's clowning it up in a college skit. He also delivers his lines in a nasally flat Midwestern tone. He doesn't really seem like the playboy son of a rich family; he's more like that son's goof-off slacker friend.

And yet it completely works. Fox is totally charming on camera and is one of the fans' favorites. Reading comments here and on other sites, I realize that most viewers feel the same way I do about Fox. He's fresh; he's irresistible to watch. This is despite never having great plots to act in. Fox always seems to be an extra in someone else's story. That could change now that he's in a relationship with Kay, but the relationship itself is so forced that we really don't care about it.

Let's hope that the writers think of something interesting to do with Fox. Considering how he sparkles in so-so storylines, I'd love to see what he could do with something great.

Making an Investment

2005-09-22T22:35:00.000-04:00

So Im watching Passions and Eve and Julian are worried that Eve will have to live the rest of her life behind bars. (What a spectacular lawyer Ethan must be, that he might lose a triple-attempted murder case in which theres literally no evidence against his client). And it hits me that I dont care if Eve loses. I dont really care about her.

Dont get me wrong: I like her character and I think the actress who plays her does a good job. But Im not emotionally invested in her. I dont feel for her.

Then I asked myself what characters I was invested in. None of the boring Bennetts, for sure, and none of the Lopez-Fitzgeralds. Sheridan and Ethan are nice, but I dont mind when they suffer. The Russells have always been underwritten and drab.

In the end, I realized that there are two characters on the show I care about. Theres Tabitha, for one. With her sly humor and the excellent performance of Juliet Mills, shes one of the best things about the show. And the other is Endora. What a little peach she is! If Julian tries to take her away, Ill be pretty upset.

Write in and tell me what characters youre invested in. And does it even matter how much we connect with them? The fun of Passions is the silly plots, after all, not the incredible characters.

Shades of Gray

2005-09-20T18:13:00.000-04:00

It's time for me to wake up and admit that the character development on "Passions" has been getting better and more interesting.

Longtime viewers will remember that in the beginning, characters on the show were either all good or all bad. There was nothing in between. Julian, bad; Ethan, good. Ivy, bad; Grace, good. Tabitha, bad; Charity, super good.

Back then, Hank was the only one somewhere in the middle. The original Hank is still my all-time favorite "Passions" character.

But in the past few years, good characters have been doing bad things and bad characters have been doing good. I should give credit, because it makes the show more better.

I'm not talking about Julian's conversion, which is a wholescale change of character. I'm talking about when Gwen lets herself go along with one of her mother's plans to punish Theresa, plans which go too far. Gwen's still a decent person, and almost stopped Beth's babynapping.

Ivy tried to help Jessica, although she's still mostly a schemer. Jessica got pulled into a seedy life, but only because her mother leaving tore her apart. Liz has done good things for people, just not her sister. Even Tabitha has done a few good deeds.

It makes the show feel more true when characters aren't so holy (or evil) all the time, and makes it more interesting to watch. I hope it continues. Maybe someday boy scout Ethan will get in on it and think a bad thought.

Flashback: What a Feeling

2005-09-19T15:07:00.000-04:00

So with the current Gwen and Theresa drama, we have to hear some variation on the words laptop, paternity, exposed, and tabloid about twelve times every episode. What a mouthful. Wouldn't it be great if The Powers That Be at "Passions" threw in a flashback to that original scene? They won't, of course, because Ethan was played by a different actor then, but I wish they would. I'd love to see a little camp in "Passions," which gives us ridiculous plots, but then plays them straight. Why not have fun with it once in a while? They could do a flashback and then come out of it with Gwen saying, "You parted your hair on the other side back then" or "Something about you was different then."

Second item: How much longer do we have to watch Noah flip bottles with that cocky everybody-loves-me smile. It's the biggest turnoff in "Passions" history. Okay, Dylan Fergus was a bartender in real life. We get it.

Speaking of, his gay slasher pic Hellbent opened in New York this weekend. I didn't go, but I'll probably see it next weekend. Have any of you seen it yet? If so, tell me what you thought--but no spoilers, please. :)

The Couple Who Wasn't

2005-09-16T17:05:00.000-04:00

So I'm standing in the grocery store today paging through Soap Opera Digest and I see the results of a fan poll they held online. They asked people their favorite actor, actress, and couple for every soap.

The winning actor on "Passions" was Justin Hartley. Maybe this should cue the producers to put Fox in more than one episode a week. The winning actress was his sister Lindsay Hartley. Just kidding, I know she's his mother.

But the big shocker was that the winning couple was Ethan and Theresa. Wha? Look "Passions"-fans: that dim-witted son of privilege and his stalker aren't a couple. Please, if they're a couple, then Fox and Noah are my favorite couple.

Speaking of Ms. Hartley, there's a bio on her on the Soap Opera Digest site right now. Click here. Turns out she's not really Hispanic -- she's Greek and Italian. Wow, I was fooled.

Underhanded and Overheard

2005-09-15T12:22:00.000-04:00

I call cheating!

The writers did it again yesterday and I think it's cheating. Any "Passions" viewer knows that characters often turn to the camera and talk to themselves. We as viewers understand that this is simply a dramatic device to let us into the characters' heads, that they're not really turning to the corner and talking to themselves in a crowded room.

But every once in a while someone will overhear that character and ask what they mean by what they were saying. Say that Tabitha mumbles, "Good thing they don't all know that I'm a 400-year-old witch" and suddenly someone says, "What Tabitha, you're a witch?" I mean, that's ridiculous. Why would Tabitha really have said something like that out loud, with people so close?

They did it again yesterday. Chris said to the infant that he wasn't the child's real father, and fake Sheridan overheard him. But why would any sensible man say something like that out loud, if he was in hiding? It doesn't make sense. It's a cheat, just to create some artificial drama.

By the way, Chris was shirtless yesterday for the first time, so that took about three weeks, if anyone was wondering. Not too bad, either.

One Town, Under God

2005-09-13T21:16:00.000-04:00

Harmony has a lot of diversity for a small New England town. There's black (the Russels), Hispanic (the Lopez-Fitzgeralds), and Irish (the Lopez-Fitzgeralds). There's rich (the Cranes) and poor (the Lopez-Fitzgeralds). There's saintly (Sheridan), witchy (Tabitha), kooky (Theresa), and lipless (Sam). But despite all their differences, there's one thing all the Harmony residents have in common.

They're all Catholic.

Now, I can see the Lopez-Fitzgeralds being Catholic (on both sides), but shouldn't the uber-rich old-money Cranes (and the Winthrops) really be WASPs? And isn't it more likely the Russels would be Baptist or some other Protestant division, perhaps Methodist? How is it that everyone is the whole town goes to the same church -- and it's a Catholic one?

Maybe the show's creator, James E. Reilly, has the answer.

Even more appalling than the weird lack of religious diversity is the particular magical Catholicism at work. Ever noticed that the prayers of the good are always answered in Harmony? Instantly, and often with celestial light and soaring angels. You know what would be an interesting twist on "Passions"? If one time, just one time, someone good prayed and God said no.

Or if a Jewish family moved in.

Fake Disaster, Meet Real Disaster

2005-09-09T21:24:00.000-04:00

About this time, I have to think the Powers That Be at "Passions" are hoping the world just forgets about the show's pathetic "disaster" storyline, the one that was supposed to be the summer highpoint. It was in bad enough taste coming on the heels of the south-east Asia tsunami, but now we have a real disaster close to home to compare it to.

I think the worst thing that happened in both the Harmony earthquake and tsunami was that a half-brother and sister slept together. Again. Other than that, buildings were slightly damaged and hair was mussed. Both storms were amazingly local. We know that Boston is the nearest big city to Harmony, but it doesn't seem to have been touched by either incident.

Real disasters, we're learning, do a bit more damage and aren't so nicely confined. The only thing that both the Harmony and New Orleans disasters had in common was that FEMA was absent from both.

Those Powers That Be look kind of creepy, in hindsight, for treating the disaster storyline so lightly and for making it so convenient. I feel creepy just for having watched those episodes, when the news channels are now filled with real images of suffering.

It would be a laugh if Hurricane Katrina hit before the "Passions" disaster storyline aired. What would the producers have done then? Pull the episodes? They might have been forced to, since it would have been in horrible taste to air them. I mean, "The Price is Right" just caught hell for airing a repeat in which the grand prize was a trip to N'Awlins. (Click here and scroll down to read the story.)

Rather than risk this happening again, I think the "Passions" producers should stick to what they know best: romantic storylines in which the men go shirtless. How about if Fox, Ethan, Noah, and Chris strip down to make a Chippendales-style 2006 calendar, with the proceeds going to Hurricane Katrina relief agencies. Now that's a plotline I'd love to see.

I'd even buy a calendar.

Comments on Theresa

2005-09-02T23:03:00.000-04:00

Hey there readers. I know it’s been a few days, but I wanted to take time to respond to an amazing response I got to my I-love-to-hate-Theresa post. I want to make clear that this isn’t about slamming anyone; I respect the writer’s opinion. This is just about having a dialogue. I’m going to respond to it section-by-section.

WOW! LOL! For a second there i really thought i'd like this site. But u just totally turned me off. U just completely bashed my favorite character.

I’m sorry you’re no longer reading, if that’s the case. Just because I think Theresa is evil doesn’t mean you can’t find this blog interesting or amusing. I’d rather have readers who disagree with me from time to time.

You made her seem like the villian of this soap which is not true at all.

Well, I definitely think she’s “a” villain, although Alistair is “the” villain.

Well maybe in ur opinion but i completely disagree. I know Theresa is'nt a saint, she does'nt even come close, no one does. But i view Theresa as the underdog who obveously does some crazy things but all in the name of love. Wether its for her love for Ethan, her children, or family its never out of hate.

Here’s where we disagree. Just because Theresa has this obsessive love for Ethan, does that justify her actions? She’s done a lot over the years to break up Ethan and Gwen, even when Ethan made it clear that he preferred Gwen. Is that excusable? Remember Theresa helping with the wedding? Or Theresa going after Ethan in L.A. while Gwen was pregnant?

Its funny how you wrote that Gwen stabbed Theresa b/c Theresa drove her to go insane when Theresa was also insane when she stabbed Gwen.

That episode was years ago, but I didn’t think Theresa was temporarily insane when she stabbed Gwen in the Crane garage. I remember it as being pretty calculated. But maybe I’m wrong.

Gwen has tried to kill THeresa plenty other times before wether she was out of her mind or not.

Gwen has a bad streak, sure, but her actions have always been in response to Theresa’s; she’s never been the instigator. How can you justify Theresa’s rape of Ethan? She drugged him. If a male character drugged and raped a woman, is there any way you’d find it excusable? And what about taking the surrogate’s place in the hospital? I’m sorry, but you can’t just write these events off as “some crazy things” done in the name of love. Those are criminal acts.

Every character on this show have done some evil things for love. Theresa actions may be a little more extreme but there are way more evil people on this show. They are Rebecca, Ivy, Gwen, Kay(who untill just recently redeemed herself),etc in my opinion. Theresa might be your love to hate character but i totally disagree. IF she's evil than so is everyone else on this show.

No, not every character. In the “Passions” universe, there are angels and there are devils; people are either purely good or bad. The original Hank was the only person who was a little bit of both (I really miss that element). Yes, Rebecca and Ivy are evil characters. Ivy occasionally acts sympathetically, but she’s bad. But far more of the characters are purely good. Think of TC, Eve, Sam, Grace, Simone, Whitney, Chad, Noah, Fancy, Ethan, Fox, Sheridan, and Luis. You can’t imagine them even having a bad thought.

Finally, let me say that loving to hate Theresa doesn’t really mean I hate her. It means I love the awful things she does and I love to see her as a villain. But she’s one of the most interesting characters on the show and I wouldn’t ever want to see her leave. On that, at least, I’m sure we agree.

Have a good weekend, everybody. I’ll be back late next week. Going up to the Cape for the holiday weekend.

One Sweet Kiss

2005-09-01T11:35:00.000-04:00

I had planned on blogging about something else today, but I was so blown away by Simone and Rae that I had to change topics. What lovely scenes we've had with Simone these past two days. The coming out scene was clearly written by someone who knew from experience, and the scenes yesterday with Rae were so sweet. The whole time I was getting a little miffed that there was nothing physical happening between them (as would happen with any other "Passions" couple), and then at the end we were treated to that sweet kiss. Awwww! That was SO SWEET!

But what do we call this couple? Simrae? Rasim? I wish the writers would think about what names sound good together before they make these couples. If Rae's name was Barbara, we could have called them Simba.

Anyway, I hope some fan sites crop up for this couple. Let me know if you see any.

On the flip side, here's a great gallery of screencaps from Ethan's recent shirtless scenes. Good lord, what a body.

The One I Love to Hate

2005-08-30T11:14:00.000-04:00

Every soap needs a character that the viewers love to hate. The best known was JR Ewing on "Dallas," but it's one of those soap cliches that you see on every show. "Passions" has its major villain in Alistair Crane, but he's never really been that interesting. He's all-powerful and he's the root of almost everything bad that happens in Harmony, but so what? He's one-dimensional and kind of blah to watch.

But the one we really love to hate is Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald. Since the show started, Theresa has done nothing but scheme to get Ethan. Nothing. And the ends always justify the means with Theresa. Remember that she literally stabbed Gwen in the back, once. (I know that Gwen later stabbed her too, but Gwen was temporarily crazed by Theresa's actions.)

What really makes me crazy, and makes Theresa-hating fun, is that the writers often present her in a sympathetic light, as though she were just a poor girl searching for true love. I mean, what she did to Ethan in order to conceive his child really was rape. She drugged him, disguised herself, and slept with him. But the show never used the word "rape," which would have made the act look as harsh and criminal as it was.

Theresa is evil through and through, but isn't conscious of how evil she is, which makes her interesting to watch. And isn't it fun now to see her try to make a deal with Alistair, who's much more powerful than she is? She's offering to sell her body to Alistair in order to snatch Ethan from Gwen and get control of the children. I hope she gets what's coming to her. It would be so satisfying to watch the one I love to hate get hers.

Adrian, Day 3

2005-08-25T13:17:00.000-04:00

For the third day in a row, I'm blogging on our new "Passions" mystery man, Christopher Boothe, played by South African hunk Adrian Wilson. Yesterday, an NBC interview tipped us off that he was a model. Well, a little Googling turned up some pages on him. New York Model Management has this online portfolio showing him in a variety of styles. His hometown agency, Boss Models Cape Town, offers this page of ad campaigns and magazine covers featuring its models; Adrian is in several of them. Sadly, neither of the pages shows him in a body shot, which seems odd.

I don't know how good Adrian's father-of-the-kid storyline will be, but I'm always entranced by his accent and stiff-as-a-board acting style. The real question, though, is how will the writers get him shirtless? A steamy shower scene? Will he need to rip up his shirt to make bandages? We'll have to wait and see.

South African Sexy

2005-08-24T15:14:00.000-04:00

I can't help it, I have to do a second day on Christopher Boothe, the new addition to the cast (played by South African native Adrian Wilson). Wow, I'm still reeling over rubber-faced hottie Noah, and now Chris comes along. Anyone want to bet on how soon before we see him shirtless?

NBC has a nice interview with him here where we learn that he used to be a model. No surprise; half of the "Passions" men were models. "Soap Opera Digest" also has an interview. Hopefully, since I'm linking to them, they won't mind that I borrowed a photo for today's post.

Watching Chris on "Passions" makes me wonder, do these guys have to show that they can act at all before they're cast? Or do they just have to strip down and look mysterious? As an actor, he seems to fall between the second Reese and the second Hank. No one yet has been as bad as the second Hank.

I love that he doesn't try to do an American accent. No one cares. It reminds me of Brian/Antonio's southern twang. Guess he grew up on the south side of Harmony.

It's all good, right? He's hunky. Long live Chris!

(By the way, a big thank you to Dustin of Dustin's Passions Page for the link! Dustin is the man when it comes to "Passions" online and I'm honored to be linked from his site.)

Savor the Mystery

2005-08-23T17:40:00.000-04:00

Who is this handsome mystery man?

Chris appeared without warning, surprising Sheridan and claiming to be working on a story on the Harmony earthquake and tsunami. But the "Passions" early warning system went off immediately, telling all the viewers that his story simply isn't true. He's got a secret here, a real reason...a mystery!

People who don't read spoilers are welcome to speculate.

If nothing else, Chris provides a storyline for Sheridan, who is having nothing to do with Luis's search for their child. (Does anyone else think it's odd that the writers have decided that Luis's hunt isn't worth showing? Why? Could it be worse, for example, than Timmy and Julian on the yellow brick road?)

I don't know who he is, but I think we should all enjoy the suspense of not knowing. Remember when we didn't know exactly who David was? And how disappointed we were when we found out? The suspense might be the best part.

Spoiled

2005-08-22T20:28:00.000-04:00

I don't get the whole spoiler thing. Feel free to clue me in. First off, there are so many accurate spoilers out there, organized by date, that there's obviously a pipeline from the networks supplying them. But why do the networks want to let people know exactly what's coming up on the soaps? What do they get out of it? Why not keep some of the mystery?

Second, lots of people are into the spoilers. This baffles me even more. "Passions" moves at a glacial pace, and I'm told that all the other soaps do, too. So if you've got maybe one good event happening in a month (and that's being kind) why ruin it? I'd much rather be surprised.

So if you're reading these entries and I'm guessing about a future event on the show, and you know exactly what's going to happen, now you'll know why I'm in the dark. Because it's easier to enjoy the show that way.

Meeting Angry

2005-08-18T16:05:00.000-04:00

How do you know when you've finally met your soulmate?

If you're in Harmony, it's because you can't stand the person.

Let's see: Luis and Sheridan, Chad and Whitney, Noah and Fancy, and Fox and Kay. They all hated each other at first sight. In romantic comedies, people "meet cute." On "Passions," they meet angry.

Fill me in on the others once-angry couples that I'm missing.

I know it's a time-honored soap cliche, but why does "Passions" have to be like the other soaps? I think the writers need to challenge themselves a little more. Or a lot more. Give us something we haven't seen.

BTW, I just read this interesting article from "Media Life Magazine" about how people already hate Noah-Fancy and how the ratings, already low, have fallen even more with this couple. When I look at the ratings, I wonder how much longer we'll have "Passions" to love and ridicule. But then, I've been wondering that for six years now.

Coupling, the "Passions" Fan Way

2005-08-17T17:20:00.000-04:00

I admit it, I always looked down on "Passions" fans who made up cutesy combined names for their favorite couple -- "Shuis" being the big one -- and lived for that couple's on-screen romance. I mean, it's about the whole silly show, not one couple. And it's pointless anyway, because there's no "happily ever after" on a soap; there's just one complication after another.

But that was before I discovered "Nox," the Noah-Fox romance. Okay, perhaps I should say "invented" instead of "discovered." Whatever. The fact is that Nox is hot, Nox is unstoppable. The fact that Nox doesn't exist doesn't trouble me more than the "Therox" people who keep living in the five seconds of on-screen romance that Theresa and Fox once enjoyed.

But then I got to thinking, Ethan is really hotter than Fox (although he has much less personality). Perhaps I should devote my life to "Nothan.' The name kind of fits, since it never existed and never will. If all three of them got together, it would be steamy as hell. It would also be "Ethoxoah." Sounds kind of biblical.

I don't know. But whichever I pick, I'll be making a gushy fan site devoted to it soon.

Toil and Trouble

2005-08-16T18:08:00.000-04:00

Hi campers -- sorry for being away so long. I had a second little trip in there, a long weekend. I'm not usually like this. I'm such a homebody I'm practically agoraphobic.

I'm a little behind on our favorite soap now, but whenever I do tune in I see Tabitha telling Endora how they'll never cross their beams again, after the earthquake and tsunami.

This after getting a confetti shower of congratulations from their friends in the basement. This after causing more death and destruction in one day than they've done in the whole run of "Passions" combined.

I've often felt that Tabitha could be a lot more fun and a lot more menacing, but that the writers just don't know how to handle her. I mean, when she saw what crossing their beams did, she should have been repeating it every hour on the hour.

I suspect that the writers see a lot of plot limitations from going down that road. The character is a lot more powerful than they let her be. She could be causing all kinds of mass destruction. But the writers mostly want to keep status quo in Harmony, so they keep her limited to mostly small things.

BTW, did anyone else see the post on that rubber-faced total hottie Dylan Fergus at Dream Caps? Some nice shirtless pics there.

Heaven's Gate

2005-08-09T10:28:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody -- I'm back from my trip. Thanks for all your notes and good wishes. It's gratifying to hear how many of you were missing my daily "Passions" post.

I quickly scanned through the whole tsunami thing, so the full ridiculousness didn't really hit me. It looked funny in fast motion, that's all I know.

But the disaster sure has deposited us in unexpected territory. Ethan got caught, by his wife, with Teresa. Ouch! Chad and Whitney are drawn together. Whoa, where'd that come from?

Forgive me, but I did love the image of Martin and Katherine riding Rachel's coffin into the Lopez-Fitzgerald living room, and then Rachel going all Jack-in-the-box on us. Thank goodness Rebecca came along to make fun of the incredibly silly tableau. Why does the show try to play things like that straight? Makes me wish "Passions" knew how to do camp. How can you do something like that and not do a little camp?

By the way, I know this is an old question, but did the show ever explain how Sheridan saw her mother at Heaven's gate all those times she nearly died? Back then, we thought that Katherine really was dead. I guess the writers did, too. Now that we know she was alive the whole time, did they ever explain away those scenes? Let me know, because I missed it, if so.

Scary Cute

2005-08-01T14:43:00.000-04:00

I just noticed that the latest issue of Out has an interview with "Passions" hunk Dylan Fergus about his role in a gay slasher pic that's coming out this fall called "Hellbent." Check the official site to see when it will be released in your area.

It looks like a fun date movie. The article has some cute shots of the cutie Dylan, and some dishy quotes, too, like this one on his roll in the movie: "I'm Gaymie Lee Curtis." We also learn that he moons the camera in the film. Now that's worth the price of admission right there.

My favorite part of the interview, though, is when he refuses to answer a question on whether he's straight or gay because he hates labels. Okay, sure. Has any straight actor in the history of moviemaking ever given that answer?

Note to the readers: This will be my last post for a week, because I'll be traveling on business. Be well. Talk soon.

The FF Couple: Chad and Whitney

2005-07-30T00:01:00.000-04:00

Who's your FF couple?

While I love "Passions," it's really too repetitive to watch live. You've got to record the show so you can skip the slow parts. I usually watch it in the evening on my DVR. I only watch it live at the gym, where repetition is welcomed because I'm often distracted.

But in watching the recorded show, I find that there's one couple I always Fast Forward (FF) through: Chad and Whitney. I find them and their storyline so dull, that when the actor playing Chad changed, I didn't notice.

They're both so smooth and dull, that there's nothing about them to hook into. Okay, I grant that the incest storyline is juicy, but it hasn't been played that way. Mostly when I look at them I see one dull soliloquy after another. How about some fireworks here, some -- ahem -- passion.

Readers sound off, who's your FF couple?

White Knights

2005-07-28T18:30:00.000-04:00

So the ground started shaking in Harmony and we were treated to not one but two versions of the "white knight" gimmick in two nearly identical stories. Did the writers not realize this? Noah Bennett needed to save Fancy Crane from falling (into the underground river of lava that flows beneath New England), just before, in a sibling shift, Fox Crane (the man named after two animals) tried to save Kay Bennett from falling.

The fact that these happened at the same time was bad, but the fact that they happened at all is just plane lazy. How many times have we witnessed the white knight rescue? Jeez, how many times has Luis saved Sheridan?

What I'd like this blog, and the community that will grow from it, to show the writers is that we'd like something fresh please. We're the cool kids who watch "Passions" and we don't need lazy Harlequin fantasies repeated over and over.

BTW, today's photo of Fox obviously didn't come from a recent episode. I just thought it was sexy.

Cracking Up

2005-07-27T10:52:00.000-04:00

So the disaster is finally here. The crickets stopped their chirping. Everything was normal one moment, and then the earth started to shake.

And all this was caused by (deep breath) one of Tabitha and Endora's spells gone wrong. They "crossed their beams" and the combined beam lifted up a globe, started it spinning, and threw it straight at Edna Wallace's head.

That's when things started shaking.

That's pretty weak.

I can't see any reason why that would start an earthquake, except that the writers wanted an earthquake and this was the easiest way they could think of to start one. The witchcraft is just an easy out for them, for whatever they want to do. Sometimes Tabitha has no problem casting spells, and sometimes she blows them. It all depends on where the writers want to end up.

I did laugh, though, when hero Sam briefly thought he'd caused the shaking by dramatically pounding on the Blue Note's door. You go, Sam.

So now we'll be treated to weeks of life saving efforts that fill up air time but don't advance any of the plots. I have high hopes, actually, for Maureen, Sheridan's new friend. She obviously has a story to tell and we can all hope that it doesn't involve a love triangle or an ill-fated romance.

PS to the readers: Leave a comment on this or any other "Passions" topic. I'd love to get some chatter going.

Going Upscale

2005-07-26T21:48:00.000-04:00

I haven't seen today's "Passions" yet -- it's still on my DVR, awaitin' -- so I don't know what devastation did or didn't happen with today's disaster. Instead, I'm still thinking about how the writers set the scene for it yesterday.

Quite a few characters were gathering at the Blue Note, conveniently the only decent bar in town (and perhaps the only bar in town, now that Spike's perverse frat boys have been burned out of their home-away-from-home).

I love it when all the characters decide to go to the same place at the same time. It's something that we've seen often on this show. If "Time Out" magazine had a Harmony edition, it would be one page long. "Tuesday: Go to the Harmony Ball. This means you."

Harmony has changed a bit since the show started. Back then, the writers steeped us in all things quaint and New England-y, to constantly remind us where we were. Now, the characters have given up the Lobster Shack in favor of the more upscale Blue Note. And we learned that Harmony has a red-light district full of hos. Wow. Harmony is starting to look a lot more like LA, where the writers work and live.

Scissor Sisters

2005-07-25T11:32:00.000-04:00

I almost never scan the soap opera news mags, so it's rare that I'll hear about an upcoming storyline, but luckily I spotted this story. Little Simone Russell is about to go gay. She'll start a relationship with a woman -- a new character named Rae -- and will come out to her family starting in August.

Finally. This should make those viewers happy who were disappointed by the ending of the Beth-Charlie storyline, when, after they shared a steamy kiss, we learned that Charlie was actually Alistair in disguise.

(I think that was the single most unlikely thing to ever happen on "Passions." Yes, even more unlikely than the witchcraft. When Charlie zipped out of that miraculous body suit and showed herself to be Alistair, I groaned so loudly that the whole gym looked at me.)

This news isn't all cherries and cream, though. The story also tells us that Simone is now 22. Because, you see, the writers were clearly afraid of the flak they'd take if they introduced a teen-ager to a lesbian relationship. But come on, 22? When did she finish high school? Why do none of the young characters on "Passions" go to college? The show starts to look anti-higher learning. Maybe the writers were afraid that if the characters got too smart, they'd pull out of the pointless love triangles that make up the bulk of the plots.

I'm glad about the gay storyline, though. Now how about a little action between Fox and Noah?

Who's the hottest hunk in Harmony?
	Chad
	Chris
	Ethan
	Fox
	Luis
	Martin
	Miguel
	Noah
	Sam
	Spike
	T.C.

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